The Whale of Doubt - Part 1

Inspired by the title of Douglas Adams final published works "The Salmon of Doubt", I thought it apt to unashamedly steal the title but make it my own.

So why the "Whale of Doubt", well hopefully something is rather being said in the title it's self, no it is not some doubtful whale falling through the sky, having to deal with suddenly being brought in to existence and facing imminent death. To be completely frank that particular whale really did not have the time nor inclination to truly doubt its self, it had a hard enough time simply coming to terms with it's brief existence.

In this instance however combined with doubt, that flipping whale has a lot to answer for and although I'm entirely sympathetic with it's plight, as far as I'm concerned compared to my existence the 63 stone of blubber had it easy and can fuck right off.

For no apparent reason I am however not doubting my existence, I'm very sure I'm here ,even if only as a manifestation of my own philosophical idiom, but I am doubting myself. Why I hear you ask, well actually being so doubtful, I doubt you really are asking why, nor to be frank , you can even be bothered to give a shit.

But doubt, like a whale comes from the depths of the ocean, unseen after glorious peace, sometimes invigorating tranquility and lets face it, probably some seriously hard partying.

Oh bugger, fuck, shit and wank, in this instance right in the middle of fucking writing some really productive shit, oh it's probably crap anyway...!!!

Glorious People

I am now a member of the coolest gang, not in just London but the fucking universe...!!!

I'm now officially a member of the Chubsters and I was inaugurated into this inclusive gang after an absorbing event at the LGBT Film fest, were I felt so welcome I was not only invited for drinks by the filmmakers, activists and organisers, which not only made me cry (I am a soppy mush!) but made remember the lovely cuddly girls, now women that befriended me through our common difference within my school years.

Having also spent over 15 years of my life and now having three gorgeous children thanks to such wonderfully sexy, caring and voluptuously special woman.

Now Slick, my gang name, these glorious people sent out such an endearing message far beyond big bums and donuts, that made me rediscover the Chubster in me and that their is a chubster in everyone just waiting to be set free.

Go visit and become one of the gang;
http://www.chubstergang.com

Raincoats

I discovered such amazing music and such a warm cosy heartfelt performance.

It was the Raincoats and until the London LGBT Film fest I not heard of them and after hearing and seeing them, I pined for the years I had without discovering them.

Although in my heart and mind I'm sure I heard them, saw them, on TV or radio at points in my life.

They truly moved me, with being just lovely people who so enjoyed what they did without pretentiousness. Their performance of Lola gave a song that had such deep meaning for me a magical experience of empowerment, beyond a lucky chance encounter with Ray Davis I once had.

Coupled with my new truly out life, it rung sweetly with such crystal clarity in my soul.

Comfy Sofa

I finally have the comfort of a sofa in amidst a heaving foray of exclusive and equally exclusively dressed film set, in an expensive and immaculately furnished trendy bar.

The chatter of intelligent conversation blurred together into a cacophony of white noise, all to the beat of Bangra as the DJ bides his time.

These really are my people but I am a shadow next to them, set apart not by a wish not to socialise, but by an innate difference that is born out of superficiality.

It's surely what I'm waring , the ink on my hands from my leaking pen, the remnants of different coloured nail varnish and a solitary inflection.

A group of friends sit next to me, lovely people here for such a warm time, they allow me to sit on the corner of their table sipping the ebbs of a cold coffee and on occasion contribute to an odd remark.

I'm warm, I have company of sorts, at least I'm not alone in a flat with no sofa to call my own. Just wish I could afford another coffee, think I'll just blow the money and not eat, if I could only get to the bar.